(Scene: A telephone rings at the Mr. Movies in St. Michael. The call is answered by a young female employee of the video store.)

Video Store Employee: Thanks for calling Mr. Movies. How can I help you?

Me: Hi, I’m looking for a movie. It’s called Monster in a Box.

VSE: (typing on computer) Let’s see... Monster in a Box… nope, I don’t see a listing for it in the computer. What kind of movie is it?

Me: It’s a monologue.

VSE: I’m sorry, we just carry DVD’s at this store.

Me: No, it’s on DVD, but it’s a monologue. You know, one guy talking in front of a camera.

VSE: You mean like the news.

Me: Ummm... kinda.

VSE: Who’s in it?

Me: It stars Spalding Gray. It’s about him trying to get a book published.

VSE: Spalding Gray? Never heard of him. What else has he been in?

Me: Well, he was in The Killing Fields, Beaches, The Paper, How High...

VSE: How High?!? I love that movie! It’s totally on my Employee Picks shelf! Was he the dead stoner with the unibrow?

Me: Ummm… no. I think he played a professor.

VSE: Professor… I guess I don’t remember him. Is he in any new movies? You know, that aren’t on DVD yet?

Me: No. Actually, four years ago he saw Big Fish then killed himself. I guess that movie just made him realize that it was time to move on.

VSE: I totally understand that. A few years ago I had to bring my little sister to see Garfield, and I totally loved Garfield when I was a kid, but the movie was totally lame and wasn’t funny at all. I mean, the cat who played Nermal wasn’t even cute. And there’s no way that a babe like Jennifer Love Hewitt would ever date a troll like Breckin Meyer.

Me: Yup, it’s just like that.

VSE: Well, I guess we don’t have that Monster in the Box analog. Is there anything else I can help you with?

Me: How about Swimming to Cambodia?

VSE: Wouldn’t it be faster to fly?

Me: No… that’s the name of another analog… er, monologue.

VSE: Jeez, it was just a joke. Lighten up. (typing on computer) Let’s see... We don’t have Swimming to Cambodia, but we do have Asian Water Sports Volume 2 and 3. Should I put those on hold for you?

Me: Well, I never saw the first one, so I probably wouldn’t be able to make sense of the plot.

VSE: Whatever. Have a nice day.