conversations with smoot by worm 4

In which Smoot and I say goodbye: (Mar, 2007)

(Thursday March 1, 2007, sitting on the deck in my backyard next to a table scattered with empty beer bottles.)

Smoot: Damn, I was really hopin that they'd wait till July to cut me.

Me: You got a roster bonus payable before then or something?

Smoot: Naw man, it's cold as hell out here. That snow ain't helpin either.

Me: We could go back inside.

Smoot: I dunno, Arlo was given me that look when I got here. Think she still holdin a grudge.

Me: (takes swig of beer, changing subject) It's just not gonna be the same without you here Fred. Kinda takes all the fun out of watching the Vikes.

Smoot: Man, I wouldn't know... I ain't watched a game in years. Hehehe. So where do you think I'll be a year from now?

Me: You know, I always pictured you ending up like Kurtz from "Heart of Darkness". You read that?

Smoot: "Heart of Darkness"?!? I'm a football player, what do you think?

Me: Have you seen "Apocalypse Now"?

Smoot: That the one with 2-Pac?

Me: No. How about this, you watch "Seinfeld", right?

Smoot: Hell yeah, Costanza's da bomb.

Me: Remember the episode where Elaine goes to Burma to track down Mr. Peterman? And he's gone native and is acting crazy? That's based on Kurtz.

Smoot: Man, that would be sweet! A tribe of slaves to do whats I tells em to do. So, how does that Kurtz guy make out in the book?

Me: Umm, pretty well off if memory serves. Where do you think you'll be a year from now?

Smoot: I'll be all around in the dark, baby. I'll be everywhere. Wherever you can look, wherever there's a fight, so horny folks can get a lap dance from the biggest titted hoochie in the club, I'll be there. Wherever there's a cop beatin' up a guy who's hiding a dimebag under his sac cuz he's resisting arrest, I'll be there. I'll be in the way guys yell when they're mad at bitches. I'll be in the way kids laugh when they're pickin on a slower, fatter kid, and when people are eatin' the stuff they steal in their million dollar mansions, I'll be there, too.

Me: Wait... that's from "The Grapes of Wrath"!!

Smoot: Grapes of what?!? What you talkin bout?

Me: You'll never cease to surprise me Freddie. (Finishing beer) So, where do you think I'll be a year from now?

Smoot: (thoughtful pause) Hehehe... (another brief pause) hehehehe hehehehe hehehehehehe.

Me: Right. Sorry I asked.

Smoot: Well, you's out of beer, so I guess I gots to go.

Me: You sure you can drive? It looks like you had (counting empty bottles of beer on table) five or six.

Smoot: Eight. There's two more beneath that snow drift. An I'll be fine, unless you slipped me a roofie. Ya didn't, did ya?

Me: Not this time. Take care Fred. (we stand and hug without touching pelvises)

Smoot: Bitch, if I ever see you again, just shoot me. Smoot out.

The End